hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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