I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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