nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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