I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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