How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
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Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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