why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
