She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
