she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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