Where is the hickey?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
