At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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