just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
