I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
