I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
