He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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