yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
