By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
