Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
