planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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