this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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