You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
