i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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