I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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