eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
