I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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