yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
