No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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