The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
