would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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