hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
