Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Found your dick twin last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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