i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
