His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
