is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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