Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
