so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
