The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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