"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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