i love accidental penises.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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