FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
