I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
