He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
