He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
