you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
