I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
