i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
