This girl is more easily done than said...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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