I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
