cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize