I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
