Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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