so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
