When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
