When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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