i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
