I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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