I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize