my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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