Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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