guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize