i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
