Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
