whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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