six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
