all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just puked most of my soul out..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
