he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
