My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
