oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
