there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
