the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
