Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
